tony stark who has stark tower set to identify individual people as they enter by playing certain songs as they walk through the door or even take a step inside
steve and bucky walk in together and suddenly there is a garbled mix of both “the star spangled banner” and “enter sandman”
natasha steps through the door and suddenly “from russia with love”
bruce swings by from his lab and “blinded me with science” blares
thor bursts through the doors and “rock you like a hurricane” rattles the surround
hawkeye tries to slip in through a window and suddenly “surfin’ bird”
"I Swear I Didn’t Seriously Ship It At First, It Just Sort of Happened" a novel by me
Reminder for those who don’t know, if you have a vagina, make sure to urinate immediately after you have P-in-V sex. Bacteria can get in your urethra during P-in-V intercourse so as soon as you are done having sex, go to the bathroom go pee, even if it doesn’t feel like you need to, because even a little pee can flush out the bacteria and prevent a UTI. I didn’t know about this and I got a UTI from my first time, and it was super awful and uncomfortable and unfortunately even those with good sex education rarely learn info like this. I want everyone with a vagina to know how to prevent it because UTIs suck hard. That is all.
HEY HEY HEY HEYYYYYYYY MY FAVORITE QUEER DRUNK ASSHOLE POET TURNED 450 TODAY (and let me tell you, there is a lot of competition for the title “favorite queer drunk asshole poet”)
BUT as we all know, there is some controversy over who ACTUALLY wrote shakespeare’s plays!
so in order to mark this SERIOUS and LEGITIMATE issue, i have compiled the most likely theories in this comprehensive list:
- in julius caesar, cassius says, “this is my birthday; on this very day cassius was born.” on that same day, cassius DIES. guess who else was not only born on april 23, but died april 23?? that’s right, shakespeare. english playwright? or ancient roman ghost bent on revenge? YOU BE THE JUDGE.
- shakespeare married a woman called anne hathaway. BATMAN ALSO MARRIED ANNE HATHAWAY. have you ever seen shakespeare and batman in the same place at the same time??????
- lived in london? totally encountered prostitutes several times? probably spoke english? william shakespeare……. or JACK THE RIPPER
- uh, excuse me, an uneducated glovemaker’s son couldn’t possibly have written the 38 works of art attributed to shakespeare. please consider instead this picture of a cat pushing another cat in a shopping cart. you’re welcome.
- ””“”“”“”“”“president obama????”“”“”“”“” more like PRESIDENT WILLIAMSHAKESPOBAMA. wake UP, america
- ME I’M WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE I HAVE BEEN SHAKESPEARE ALL ALONG AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FOOLS YOU IGNORANT FOOLS